I was catching up with a couple of my friends here on LJ, and they were talking about me, so I figured it was time I talked about myself. We will see how long this lasts.
For those who have not heard, I was incapacitated for nearly two months as the result of a leg infection, a/k/a fasciitis. I entered the hospital May 5, stayed there two weeks, then got transferred to a "managed care facility" for another five weeks..I was released June 21. During that time, I was on antibiotic IV's 24/7 for two weeks and daily IV's for another week. I had to have physical therapy to build up my strength, and I was on dialysis until the week after my release.
Those are the headlines. Anyone who has any additional questions, please feel free to ask.
One week before I was released, I got a Facebook text from my wife. We had just had our 37th anniversary one month earlier. She told me that, once I was released, she wanted me to move my things into the spare bedroom a/k/a my music room. I won't go into a lot of details - it caught me off guard, but it was not totally unexpected. There have been problem for many years. A lot of the cliches are true - we grew apart. We changed over the years, and as a result had less and less that drew us together.
So we are separated. And I feel like a single man. But since neither of us can afford for me to move out, so I live out of my room, and we are just three cozy roommates.
Oh, did I forget to mention the roommate?
My wife was in the hospital for a similar malady (no connection with my situation) in March. At that time, she informed me that she had asked an online friend of hers to move in, so he could take care of her when I was gone. He moved in, and it was over two weeks before my wife came home. A couple of weeks later, I went in the hospital, so on one level, it was good that he was there. But now we have three roommates in a three bedroom house.
When my wife told me she wanted to separate, at some point she said to me, "Having you gone all this time has made me realize I can take care of myself.
"With some help."
So here is my take on all this. I had to major factors keeping me where I was - guilt and fear. Guilt over the idea that, if I were to leave, she would not be able to tak care of herself. Fear of an unknown future on my own. But with the roommate here, I don't have to worry about her taking care of herself. And as for the fear, I feel better prepared to be on my own than I ever have been.
So I am in a good place right now. I have some bad days, or a few bad hours, but I don't let it get me down for long. I am surrounded by friends and people that support me. If I stumble or fall, there will always be someone there to catch me or pick me up.
I'm gonna be OK.